Fat & Ugly

I guess I'm going through that phase where I feel fat & ugly. I know I need to exercise more. I know I need to eat better (I've kind of gone crazy lately with all the school-end stress). But the hard part is when the pants that fit you ok on Sunday no longer fit on Tuesday. TWO DAYS! Two days and I could not even zip half way up!

Dr. Porter is going to have a cow. I've gained 3-4 lbs. in the last two weeks. That's too much, and more rapid than my previous spurts. Of course the baby is getting bigger and the amnio sac is getting bigger and so forth... but that's a lot in a little burst. And I know a lot of this bulge on top is not "baby fat" but "tummy fat" which I want to get rid of anyway. Ugh!

I keep thinking there must be a twin in there. This is growing too fast!

So anyway, back to my diet of bear food (nuts, berries, veggies, fruit, and meat) and no more sugar foods. (But I am craving my frappaccinos more than ever!) Time to start pre-natal yoga, go hiking and walking, join a gym with a pool, skate weekly (when school ends), and best of all, GO SHOPPING! Shopping counts for walking exercise, right?

Exercise will probably help my fatigue a bit, too. I know starting August 7 I'll have more time for exercise and no more excuses...

Boy Name

So Mark and I have always referred to our hypothetical future child as "Finny" - short for Fintan. If this kid is a boy I think we are both in agreement that this will be his name. I've been pretty glued to it for many many years.

Fintan is an old Irish name. Here are some sites with "historical" information.

Fintan-First-Wave

A Colorful Powerpoint Presentation

Ach that will do for now.

"fin" or "fionn" means "white" in Irish, and I've always wanted a white-haired boy, and there is some possibility from my father and Mark's father that he could be blond, at least to start.

Aunt Rose said there is a hot number of a character in some move I forget the name of now named Fintan. Mom says it's a wussy name. There are also lots of saints and cardinals and what-not for those of you who prefer a less pagan origin.

So now the question is... what would the full name be? I haven't settled on a middle name. If we go Irish, should he have Scandinavian? Or German? Or Burmese? Or noneoftheabove?

Fintan Moon Harwood
Fintan Connor Moon Harwood
Fintan Thorgall Moon Harwood
Fintan Riley Moon Harwood
Fintan AhThisIsKillingMe Moon Harwood?

As for girls, we might take a lot longer to come to an agreement - in fact, we may not even give it serious thought until we know the baby's gender.

The Red Euphoria & Question of the Week

I'm sorry if some of my posts are too graphic. The bleeding reminds me of Junior High, when you have no real menstrual schedule and you start unknowingly in the middle of a class, and make a huge embarrassing mess. Well, it sucks. But at least I can be prepared for it (mostly).

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

I'm into my 15th week now, and I have to know...

When do I get that "burst of energy"
and shed this horrible
sensation of chronic fatigue?

My mom told me today that she never really got that burst of energy... she was tired the whole time. If that's going to be the case with me, I think I'll just give up now and quit my job and as soon as I graduate I am just going to crawl into bed and never come out.

Any thoughts? Cousins & Aunties? Did anyone go the whole way half asleep? :)

Baby Names Rule

I have decided not to discuss baby names with people. Everyone wants it named after them and I just can't acommodate everyone. Thanks for all your suggestions but we're just going to hang tight for a while.

My baby registry link should be working now, for those of you who tried it and it was broken. (Thanks, Brian)

My belly is round and full. And I'm only 14 weeks!

In case you're wondering what else is going on... click here.

Don't take the 14cm seriously. I think that's uterus size not baby size. The baby is not 7" already!!! Good lord!!!

Week 14

I'm bleeding a lot. Bled all weekend. Skipped hockey. It's a lot this time. But no cramping, no pain. This morning I decided I had better get it looked at. Doctor thinks it's fine - nothing to worry about. I'm in week 14 so ... pretty slim chance I'm losing the baby, but it's still weird and scary and messy and annoying.

Alison saw an "adult feminine/undergarment" ad that specifically targets women who have recently given birth............. so it's official. Post VB incontinence is real.

Thanks to all who keep posting!!! Love you all!!

SHOPPING!!!

I spent over $450 in maternity clothes today.

Feels good...

Although I could have spent 75% less on some of the tank tops at J.Crew across the mall... ah well.

Now I have some "professional pants" that will grow with me, because they have these nifty expandable waistbands with adjustable buttons.

Woot! I can wear normal jeans again! I just slip on this tube thingy (feels good!) and fold it over my unbuttoned/unzipped jeans and voila! Who knew I was walkin' around with my fly wide open!!!

Feels good...

1st Trimester Screening Results

Well I just got a call that things look good... 1/3000 of Downs and 1/10,000 of Trisomy-18. So basically my risk is really low.

I won't know about Fragile X until next week or later...

This all means I can hopefully forego the amnio, which I would really like to avoid if possible :)

Now let's just hope insurance doesn't give me a hard time!

Ultrasound 2 Pictures

BABY GOON!!! Dang s/he's cute.

Growing so friggin fast I am certain it must be a boy. Gargantuan taking after Mark's dad.

Mark says "he" has to beat Ethan (my 6'4" probably still growing little brother). A good strong defenseman in there, I say - girl or boy! (Girl more likely to make the Olympic team...)

Anyway, here are those ultrasound pics, finally. It's amazing what 2 weeks can do - compare to June's!!! Note how "round" its head is, so human-like, vs. the blob from two weeks ago!!!

Some day GG is going to read this and think I'm insane. WHO CARES!!! :P

For those of you who are "ultrasound challenged" let me interpret the blobs for you:

I'm so in love!!!! Just seeing these wonderful photos makes me feel warm and fuzzy after my long, hellish, crappy day.

Gastronaut

Sorry, still no picture. Mark says he can't get the scanner to work so I can't scan the picture in. (Sorry Annie!)

Today was a day of horrible gas. Probably more info than you wanted to know, right? Well, it's not the smelly farty kind of gas men tend to produce... it's just the movement of gas through my gastrointestinal system which is, of course, slowly being discombobulated all over my abdomen. So I think that's why it's painful... it just has to spelunk around through the intestines in narrow tubes and around tight corners where it's not used to.

New ultrasound...

Well, it's Tuesday and you're probably wondering what happened yesterday.

My original doctor had referred me to an advanced imaging perinatal genetic screening bladdy blah place. I tried to cancel it, having had an ultrasound that showed we're all right, etc., but the woman I spoke to convinced me that if insurance was paying for it, why not just go ahead and do the "First Trimester Screening?" So I did. (I hope Dr. Porter won't be mad.)

It went fine. It's a nice facility. I spoke with the genetic counselor who drew my family tree and given all the unknowns about Cynthia's and Steven's retardation, and Keith's issues (sorry Aunt Esther), and all of that being through a maternal lineage, she suggested I do the Fragile X Syndrome screening just in case. This is in addition to the other two screenings they do, both non-invasive, for Down's Syndrome and Trisomy-18. With Mark's Asian heritage my chances of a child with Cystic Fibrosis are lower than if we were both white (well, he's half white, but anyway...).

It's all just blood tests combined with measuring the thickness of the neck skin and length of the fetus, etc. etc., the latter of which requires an ultrasound, and theirs was a little more advanced than the guy who comes to Dr. Porter's office. This screening is 80% accurate for detecting a high risk for Down's, and 95+% accurate for detecting a high risk for Trisomy-18. The blood-only screening for Fragile X counts specific extra genomes on the X chromosome which gives a specific yes or no as to whether I'm a carrier, and if I am, then if I have a boy, there is a 50/50 chance he will be mentally and/or physically retarded depending on which of my X chromosomes I give to him. (A girl, if inheriting a clean X chromosome from Mark, would more likely not be, as the clean chromosome would counter the bad one, as it does in seemingly normal female carriers.)

I don't have pics of everything, but next time I will be able to videotape it. Mark needs to scan the pics I do have and I will hopefully post them tonight.

Needless to say, Gummi Goon looks like a normal person now, mostly - head a little more defined and proportionate, full fingers and toes, still jumping around in there. The doctor said GG looks to be of normal proportions, but of course only measurements combined with the blood tests can say one way or another. The tech said 13 weeks, but we know GG is only 11-12, so it's going to be a giant, I can tell already. (Not to mention how much I'm showing given my date!)

We also saw its brain, which appears to be developing normally (butterfly) and a strong heart rate of 168 bpm, and a good, um, umbilical arterial heart beat (don't remember what it's called, two pulses in the umbilical cord pumping stuff to & from placenta). You can clearly see the forehead, nose, lips, chin, jawbones forming, a round little rump, definitely looking like a real baby in there!

I have to say, I fell in love with "him" (don't know gender yet, sorry Mom) the second he appeared on screen, because he seems more like a baby now, even if he is still smaller than a jumbo shrimp.

Now we're talkin!

Thanks, everyone, for posting to my Blog. It seems so much more official.

My mother apparently can't figure out how to get to this blog and wants a separate, special email just to her every time I post. If she can't get on, it means I can make fun of her! :P Just kidding. I love you, Mom. I am going to see if I can find a way to have the blog automatically email her when I post, so that she doesn't need to log in, and if it works, the rest of you can do the same (but you still have to log in once in a while to post!).

I have another "advanced imaging" ultrasound on Monday. I probably won't have any pictures to post right away, because I have to go from there straight to work, but I will do my best to update you all asap. This was prescribed by my previous doctor, and when I called to cancel they talked me into keeping it. They can check for Downs and some other diseases and stuff with a blood test and by measuring the foetal neck size and stuff like that. So if they let me keep pictures that ought to be pretty cool.

Expect an update on Tuesday, or late Monday night.

Incontinence

Is it true? Does vaginal birth cause incontinence? Nobody tells you THAT!

A man told me, a man whose wife had a cesearian for their first child. He said you have to do 500 kegels a day for the rest of your life.

I thought, someone would have warned me about that! Surely my mother would have mentioned it at some point in my life... casually, not really thinking about it. "Oops I laughed and peed a little," she could have said... but no. No one has ever ever mentioned this to me before!

So I am not believing it. Maybe some people have this problem. Hell, I haven't given birth yet and I have had this problem on occasion, I think it's normal. It's not incontinence at all, I mean, if your bladder is full and you put pressure on it, sheesh!

But I have to wonder. Who is holding out on me... not sharing this knowledge? What other dark secrets to post-vaginal delivery are people not telling me???

Birth is Spiritual, not Clinical

I keep going over and over in my head. Childbirth is a spiritual experience for both the mother and the baby. It should not be cold, clinical, and sterile. Well, I mean sterile in terms of being cold and clinical - of course it should be germ-free.

The baby should come into this world surrounded by love and family and not only by cold machines and people in lab coats or surgical scrubs. The process of childbirth, whether it involves drugs or not, should empower a woman not demean her, and should not be a process designed solely for the convenience of the hospital staff, with little to no regard for the spiritual path or the mother's comfort.

I'm not really sure I want a midwife-assisted birth or home birth, but the hospital experience is starting to sound and feel less and less like the spiritual experience and bonding that I want to have with my husband and child. I've always dreamed of motherhood and also of pregnancy. Except for the early scare, so far it is everything I hoped for. I can't wait to feel the kicking and stretching, yes even the discomfort and pain. I want to fully enjoy every bit of this experience, as I have waited a lifetime to get here. It has been the very purpose of my existence, to be a mother, and the last thing I want is to cheat, or to have all the feelings taken away by drugs.

I know, I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who has never had a child. I don't expect it to be easy, but why shouldn't it be natural?

I expect comments on this one, especially from aunts & cousins who have kids. Am I crazy to feel a natural urge to fulfill my destiny as a woman in a natural way, using the great power and spirit and strength that Nature gave not only to women in general, but in abundance to the women of my family? Is it a cop-out to abandon the childbirth sensations by having an epidural, when women have been successfully giving birth naturally for millions and millions of years?

Baby Registry

So I'm starting my baby registry. I am going a lot on the recommendation of other mothers... so of course if you're going to be buying me gifts from the registry feel free to substitute with things you feel are better (based on your mothering experience).

I registered at Babies-R-Us via Amazon.com. My registry is under my name and you can email me for the registry number.

You can print this list or look it over and see what's there, and use that as a guide as you shop in a B-R-Us physical store, or Target or wherever you might be able to find these or similar items cheaper. (I'm not about making you spend money.)

Mom is going to buy the furniture so I really just need the essentials: infant clothes, blankets, towels, toys. I don't really want a lot of toys, though, it's messy enough around here and they might just become cat toys.

Of course when we know what the gender is it will be a lot easier to choose clothes and things, so most of what I have listed is unisex.

But.......... we have a long long long way to go before I need anything, except the Snoogle body pillow, so don't worry! :)

Oh, for Mom's sake, something I need more than furniture is going to be a good reclining chair. A lot of women were recommending this:

Lock Natural Glider

But it looks less comfortable than the recliners that CynDee & Dad use so here's something more along those lines:

La-z-boy recliner with vibrating massage

One Week Later

Well, not quite a week.

It's a week later and I am happy as a clam.

Mark quit his job in Toronto. I'm glad. I don't like his boss who thinks work is more important than these crazy things that happen in life. I'm sorry but it just doesn't work that way. And when Mark takes a leave of absence - meaning he isn't INTENDING to work - that isn't when you start monitoring his email usage and use it against him. I'm glad things worked out for us, that things are all right, but for a while there I was scared and needed my husband, of all people, to help me through it. Jerk. So I'm glad he quit and will be home with me for the long haul now.

I have to go to school. But I just wanted to update everyone that I'm excited.

Binky lent me a book called "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" which is about the power of women and giving birth in environments of love and nurturing. I don't plan to do a midwife birth but it would certainly be nice to do as many "natural" things so that I can feel the spiritual fulfillment of having a child and not just go through it in a clinical hospital way. Modern medicine has always failed me, and I put more faith in my own intuitin and power and in Nature than in doctors.

I will have to talk to Dr. Porter about his allowances. Will he let me be inclined so that gravity can assist? Can I affect the temperature in the birthing room? Also if I'm going to give birth at Good Sam I need to look into it more, maybe visit with Mark, etc. I have been looking forward to childbirth most of my life and I want it to be spiritual and meaningful and not just a cold, clinical procedure. I'm starting to lean toward not having an epidural again, and possibly not having an episiotomy.

We'll see. I have a really long wait now... 30 more weeks!